I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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