Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
