Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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