He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
