Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
