Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
