I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I enjoy the company of your penis
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
