New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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