I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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