Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
