So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
