i was born a porn star she said
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
