I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
