we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
