Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
