is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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