dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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