The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
