I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
