He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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