Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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