I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
