it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
