i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
