There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
