If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
