We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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