Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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