don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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