I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
