I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
