Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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