he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
