he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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