i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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