I hate your face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
