kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
