I wanna bring you to show and tell
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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