Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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