I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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