walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pants are for mortals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
