I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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