My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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