All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
