Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
