Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
