i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
