got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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