not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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