I murdered the dance floor call the cops
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
