Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
