I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
