I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
