What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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