is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
