Do you still have your period?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
