I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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