I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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