guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
